Meditations on motherhood

Before my daughter took residence in my body, I had a steady meditation practice at dawn. I love nothing more than to savor the crisp air and quiet time of day before the sun and world are up. This ritual had been cultivated through practicing and teaching yoga and meditation for many years and attending annual retreats. After she was born, I could barely fit in a shower, much less sit and meditate.

I found myself disconnected from my intuition, my body and daily rituals that helped keep me connected and grounded.

Then I came across the book Buddhism for Mothers: A Calm Approach to Caring for Yourself and Your Children. In short, it reframes motherhood as a spiritual practice. This slight shift in perspective gave me hope that it is not necessary to limit my concept of meditation to solely being seated in a quiet, tidy place. I realize that children are ego annihilators, and the more we resist and try to find some semblance of order or control, the more we suffer. There is a certain type of surrender required as mothers, one that allows us to be flexible and embrace the mess, the chaos, the noise, the uncertainty, and the disappointments as fodder for growth.

Then mothering itself becomes a meditation.

In other words, practicing staying present and unruffled while you are feeding, diapering or putting your baby in the car seat, doing dishes or folding laundry, or holding space for big feelings. (My $0.02: Apply Michelle Obama’s quote to your toddler’s meltdowns, “When they go low, we go high.”) The more my daughter has grown, the more I’ve invested time and energy into studying Conscious Parenting. It has underscored that when I am triggered, it is my unprocessed unconscious material or past traumas—it’s not about her. I have also learned that in order for our relationship with our children (or any relationship for that matter) to be authentic and sustainable, “self-care” and personal boundaries are a must. 

In the work I do with new moms, I impart the wisdom of Buddhism for Mothers, my training as a therapist and yoga/meditation teacher, as well my own lived experience as a mother. I have translated my passion for Perinatal Mental Health into a specialty in my private practice. I have completed the Advanced Psychotherapy training with Postpartum Support International. I help educate and support aspiring, expecting and new parents on Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders. My services include 1:1 psychotherapy and support circles for new moms. I have a more holistic approach to therapy and incorporate mind-body practices into the work that I do. Currently, I am offering 1:1 sessions for California residents via telehealth or in Santa Monica; my support groups are welcome to anyone in the U.S.

To look into a support group today, check out Life After Birth: What to expect?

Written by: Molly Nourmand, LMFT