Have we gone too far with the “truth” about the postpartum period?

I am eight months pregnant and I work in the postpartum space as a nurse and lactation consultant. Naturally, I’ve been exposed to many new parents and stories regarding the pregnancy and postpartum period (both in person and on social media). 

For years we made the mistake of showing a perfect snapshot of our experiences on social media:  the perfect marriage, the perfect babies, the perfect life! We learned that a “perfect” snapshot wasn’t real and was contributing to a toxic comparison cycle. 

So, some started to try to reverse the narrative and show their real experiences. People started to become more open about their struggles and trauma. People felt seen. 

But I wonder if we’ve gone too far? Brené Brown has famously said “…vulnerability without boundaries is not vulnerability.” 

Trauma, struggle and sadness are all incredibly valid and real human emotions. No one should feel as though they need to stifle those experiences or put on a brave face, but when we extend that vulnerability past our close inner circle, do we risk more harm than good? 

I think we may need a better balance. I scroll through my social media and feel that we mothers are bonding more over shared trauma than shared joy. Like anything in life—it can be both traumatic and joyful, but I do feel that the message I’m receiving as a pregnant woman is MORE “…just you wait…” and “fair warning!!” than “I’m so excited for you!” Or “…what joy is coming your way!”

The unsolicited warnings have heightened my pregnancy anxiety. I worked in the NICU as a bedside nurse for years before starting my company, Nesting Lactation. My NICU experience alone provided me with enough anxiety inducing newborn scenarios for a lifetime. I don’t personally need any warnings, I am coming up with enough of them on my own!

We just need to check in with ourselves when we speak to pregnant women. What are they asking of us? Do they need warnings or support? 

And most importantly…am I projecting my trauma on them?

These are the questions we need to be asking before we process our own experiences through others. As we all know, each person's experiences are their own. I see hundreds of new mothers a year, and no two experiences are the same. Everyone has their own journey with fertility, pregnancy, labor, postpartum, and infant feeding. 

It’s a vulnerable time and I think we need to find a balance. Having a child can be hard and it can also be beautiful. Let’s hold both things to be true. 

Written by: Sarah Peck, RN, MSN, IBCLC