Creating a postpartum plan
As soon as an expectant mother finds her way out of the fog of the first-trimester queasiness, tiredness, and perhaps surprise that she is having a baby, the planning mode of her brain kicks into high gear. All of a sudden, she is thinking about rearranging the house, making room for the baby, planning what to buy, planning her shower, planning her birth and quite frankly, planning what the rest of her life may look like. Does she have enough mom friends? Will she use a nanny? Will the baby go to daycare? Should she adjust her career in any way? Is her house big enough? Bottom line, it's all about planning! Type B moms all of a sudden become Type A and Type A moms become Type A+.
With all of this planning it is surprising that an important aspect of planning that is often left out is a Postpartum Plan. A Postpartum Plan is a written document that you prepare with your partner to express your goals and preferences for life during the first weeks and months with your new baby. This document can contain information about visitors, meal preparation and chores, self-care, childcare responsibilities, and more. A Postpartum Plan must be flexible because as you may guess things don’t always go as expected! Overall, it can be a great way to reduce anxiety and provide a roadmap for the months after your baby’s arrival.
The following are key topics to include in your Postpartum Plan:
Parental Leave
Whether you are working outside or inside of the home it is important to take time off to bond with your baby. Many women begin to take time off during the end of their pregnancy. You should inquire with your HR department about your disability options and maternity leave benefits. In addition, your state may provide additional family leave benefits. So it is important to look into those as well. It is crucial to remember this is not vacation- so do not feel guilty taking time off! It is an important time for you to not only adapt to motherhood and care for your child, but also to care for yourself and recover mentally and physically from pregnancy and childbirth.
Partners: Inquire about paternity leave and family leave benefits!
Visitors
You may have many friends and family members that can’t wait to meet the baby, but visitors can take a real toll on everyone. It is important for you and your partner to plan who and when you want to visit. Questions like, “When do we want to allow non-family members to first visit?” “How long do we want visitors to stay?” “Do we want to create designated days for visitors?” “Do we want to designate a specific room to host visitors?” It is important to be supported and feel love from your friends and family, but it is equally important to set boundaries. You do not want to put extra pressure on yourself during this time to entertain or play hostess.
Parental Roles
You know the expression, “Assumption makes ASS out of U and Me.” Well it is exactly why partners often have unexpected conflicts during the first few months after baby. A partner may have certain expectations that the other partner is unaware of. When said partner doesn’t meet that expectation, resentment starts to brew. You must talk about your parenting roles and share what you both think your parenting roles should be. Discuss who will be changing the diapers, feeding the baby, bathing the baby, burping the baby, getting groceries, housekeeping, taking care of the bills and finances, etc. As well as, how much time each partner can dedicate outside of other responsibilities to providing child care. You may find that you need additional help outside of the two of you. You will both feel more prepared and perhaps less stressed knowing your roles before the baby arrives.
Help
Once you start discussing your parental roles and responsibilities, you may realize that you will need some extra help. It is a good idea to discuss and plan who, when and how this help will come. For instance, some people like the additional help of a nanny, but that may come with an additional financial burden. It is good to look at all of your options and plan out who you will be receiving help from and when you would like that help to begin. There are also many options within the help you receive- part-time, full-time, only during weekdays. It may also be good to speak to family members that you are considering for help. Nothing can cause a family rift quicker than thinking that your mother-in-law is staying with you to help with baby duties while she thinks she is staying with you to simply visit and enjoy everyone’s company. It is comforting and important to have a timeline and plan of the help you will need.
Mental Health Support
Matrescence is defined as the process of becoming a mother. It’s a word used to describe the physical, psychological, and emotional changes people go through during the monumental transformation that is motherhood. Having a baby comes with physical and emotional changes that are unique to the experience of motherhood. All women need support through this process. Many women find the most support when discussing their experience with women that are also experiencing these changes. Finding a postpartum support group can provide guidance and support during your transition. In addition, seeking a therapist or counselor that specializes in perinatal (the time before and after birth) mental health can help a woman tremendously in processing her birth experience, anxieties, thoughts and feelings surrounding being a new mother. As well as, help prevent and detect postpartum depression and anxiety. All women deserve to have mental health support in place during pregnancy and the postpartum period.
In conclusion, preparing for life with your new baby is one of the best things you can do for yourself and your family. Creating a Postpartum Plan fosters thoughtful discussion and partnership. It helps guard against certain upsets, and it instills confidence in both partners. Preparation boasts confidence, decreases anxiety and is beneficial to everyone’s mental health.
Written by Dr. Pari Ghodsi